walking with the deadbeats down the street, I want everything

nov_zachary @ 2009-04-18T12:55:00

2009-04-18T17:56:54Z

i still cant get past you
it doesnt feel possible
you were my best friend
and so much more

nov_zachary @ 2009-04-01T23:36:00

2009-04-02T04:37:19Z

staring at soft white orbs i realize that nothing can fix

it as im starting to move towards making my shot

theres no wind but the wind of my own lungs

whisping air out like im gasping for some miracle golden

statue saying ive won

but i swallow my pride and envision things as the world ends

and i say to myself its been a good ride but im still here

so i sit and wonder what waits before me

nestled in a land i do not know

weird skittle

2008-06-07T01:54:10Z

nov_zachary @ 2008-06-04T22:52:00

2008-06-05T03:55:53Z

its like running into your 5th grade crush
that you could never even say hello to on the bus
but realizing that she's now a rocket scientist
and world famous model
instantly realizing that your self worth is zero
and you have a single chance to say one thing to her
you realize you have nothing
you lose

thats my biggest fear

recent scores

2008-06-03T07:41:33Z

scream dream
nugent
little miss dangerous
if you can't lick'em...lick'em
speed racer volume 4 (free!)

nov_zachary @ 2008-05-25T04:42:00

2008-05-25T09:55:41Z

i remember when this late meant knowing the night never ended
i remember when these movies used to scare the hell out of me
i remember when i could listen to songs off a soundtrack and feel colors rush over me
i remember when i was in a house i'll never be apart of again
i remember when i got lost in the smells of the carpet
i remember when i rode bikes endlessly at dusk with my friend, who i miss
i remember when i thought i was someone completely different
i remember when i knew i was destined for something else
i remember that i fucked up
i remember when my face was blasted without feeling
i remember all the fuckups
i remember all the things i didnt say
i remember all the things i did say
the motto is to live without regrets
but as each day goes by, in which i do
i realize ive lost more than ive gained
but i dont want it different
ive become another hypocrit
i cling to material things to keep my day going
i love someone i cant touch
ill never get to talk to my mom again
i think i already reside in hell
and i wont get out of purgatory
i remember swinging towards the sky in 5th grade
with my friend beside me
a crush
feeling like this was it
i dont know why i am who i am
i remember when i didnt have to be this blasted to be so introspective
im going to rip all the ivory to shreds and smear cherry blossoms over a spring sky to make it autumn again, so i can feel that brisk wind that brought me happiness and ethereal highs no drugs could produce. id live that life a thousand times over before i was due to task something else.
ive slowly been ripped apart by myself

Jung Typology Test

2008-05-13T23:02:25Z

Your Type is
ISTJ
Introverted Sensing Thinking Judging
Strength of the preferences %
56 12 25 1

Qualitative analysis of your type formula

You are:
moderately expressed introvert

slightly expressed sensing personality

moderately expressed thinking personality

slightly expressed judging personality

nov_zachary @ 2008-05-12T20:55:00

2008-05-13T01:56:23Z

i could die happy, today
dial M, for murder

nov_zachary @ 2008-04-24T00:50:00

2008-04-24T05:51:15Z

miss you, mouskateer meg

nov_zachary @ 2008-03-31T04:05:00

2008-03-31T09:10:04Z

so ive pretty much affirmed Ive stumbled on some sort of overload
the second i go anywhere
the shit hits the fan, and I go from casual onlooker to participant
i honestly cant even log onto here without getting requests for help in some life or two
hell I can barely keep myself from just falling over and sucking in dirt right now
a fucking vaccuum would be so nice
just so I could get swept away.

the best things ive come to enjoy this past week:

more flirtations with cigarettes
sevendust
the one and only nutmeg de wassssshingtoniania (actress of the year)
turning my fan on high, staring up at the black ceiling at night, trying to imagine im flying

I'll buy you the davenport, someday.

or the duck hotel, M.

mixed bag, no regrets

2008-03-20T01:21:46Z

nov_zachary @ 2008-03-16T14:19:00

2008-03-16T19:20:59Z

vodka_zachary says:
concrete is so cool
vodka_zachary says:
bunkers made of concrete are ridiculously hard to destroy
Teemu says:
yeah, concrete is awesome
Teemu says:
i could watch concrete all day long
vodka_zachary says:
im serious, concrete rocks
Teemu says:
oh man.,.. http://www.concreted.com/Concrete-Concrete_Foudations.jpg so sexy
Teemu says:
i'm so hot right now :D
vodka_zachary says:
thats hardcore

nov_zachary @ 2008-02-26T01:20:00

2008-02-26T07:21:04Z

i know who you are
you should be who you should be
but i know there's something more
deep down, to unlock

nov_zachary @ 2008-02-19T14:39:00

2008-02-19T20:40:37Z

the old wounds were still fresh
but swimming in them felt odd
i dont think they're sewn
dont really think they ever will be
oh well

nov_zachary @ 2008-01-13T15:05:00

2008-01-13T21:06:44Z

So I bought this soap last night that reminds me of a happier time. I'd like to know what the scent is, but Im too lazy to get up at the moment.

that soap bottle basically has feelings I wont get back, I think.

nov_zachary @ 2008-01-01T21:21:00

2008-01-02T03:23:23Z

sometimes the past feels better than a warm dream
id rather forget the future
than forget the past
as much as i shun it away
that one time
ill never have it again
but i want it so much

nov_zachary @ 2007-12-21T22:23:00

2007-12-22T04:23:58Z

miss jummapums
if youre out there
i miss you with all my heart
and i love you
i hope youre okay

woozyboy

out of the blue , into passion, out of being, out of existence

2007-12-15T02:36:07Z

sometimes it feels like everything just floats
walking here, walking there
just seemingly from nowhere
i do what i can, and certainly do what I will
and sometimes end up happier than head over heels
today was quite a conundrum
i went in with a high heart and was let down with another
another chance was blown, and anger did arise
but in the simplest of places
did my moment of clarity surprise
i recieved something i had nothing to do with
just a breeze blowing me down
so starstruck i revelled in it
only to lust for the one thing i had swore
so moving against myself it was my soul that was sore
the last time i go back
i go back with a fresh mind, and a renewed vision
this silly rhyme not of passion but of coincidence
there are people in my life that i could not do without
and they are who these experiences are worth, without a doubt
i take them for granted, even though i know better
and sooner than later, im back where im in the rain
that much wetter
but there is one most of all
who knows who they are
that takes me away, so very far
they should be happy, excited, and a child
tagging clouds as they fly by
that person is who my heart belongs to
that person is who it wants to die with
that person
is who i love

nov_zachary @ 2007-12-05T11:47:00

2007-12-05T17:49:35Z

personal note to self: please post when things happen, not days after

repeated the trip the casino this past sunday night at 10:00

proceeded to put 1 dollar in the penny slot machine

gross winnings were 1855.25

525.25 cents the week before off 5 dollars

43.75 the week before that off 5 dollars

money

2007-11-26T21:03:26Z

last night at 1030 or so , i won 525 dollars off a 10 dollar investment (some dude left 5 in the slot machine, i put in another 5) in the powerball slot machine at the casino. i was entirely too drunk to play. but im 525 dollars richer now. and i got to talk to the very best girl ever after it happened. i think that was a good night.

nov_zachary @ 2007-11-19T20:02:00

2007-11-20T02:03:18Z

while making a video for teemu to demonstrate my amp, ive discovered i have the worst voice possible. now im even more self conscious than i was a few days ago.

i fucking hate this shit.

still no word from musamaailma about the guitar..maybe tomorrow.

kittos!hei!

nov_zachary @ 2007-10-26T01:05:00

2007-10-26T06:06:16Z

bright lights hit me as i try to escape
one by one they grow on each other
higher and higher
trying to reach so high
no I cant go
no I have to go
I have to throw it all away
to get on this flight
throw all the fear away
I know I cant give you everything
id take each rock in the earth
and polish it to a diamond
but even to myself I dont think it would be enough
those bright lights of the north draw me so far
yet there she is
standing in my dreams
running to her across fields of sweet amber lust
and drinks of blue sky cool
with enough wind to sail a thousand ships
I arrive
and stare into those eyes
and I become a scared boy once more
wondering if every next little step
my small little heart takes
will be my final, my last
thats the angel I adore
the one I cant
the one I want
its all there
right in front of me
but im so lost
so grateful to be behind this wall
but longing for it to be destroyed
with all the cliches in the world
i still cant steal that angel
inside of those lights I yearn for
so long
so far
so distant
so close
so high above
those lights
that dark ride of discourse and wonder
that last chance to make it right
just to hold her hand
right in front of me

im sorry

nov_zachary @ 2007-10-22T00:32:00

2007-10-22T05:32:51Z

goddamn people need to stop coming out of the goddamn woodwork.
you were out of my life for a reason

nov_zachary @ 2007-10-05T18:54:00

2007-10-05T23:54:43Z

so i bought a case of beer for poker sunday
I got the huge fosters cans

I want one so bad. but that'd ruin the surprise.

kkk ftw!

2007-09-30T07:59:47Z

youve helped me through so much
yet somedays or even for months on end
it feels like i neglect the fact of telling
you this
but please know
that I thank heaven everyday you came into my life
like you did
as softly as a snowflake
but you made an impact as large as the universe itself
I couldnt imagine a day without you
and I hope to god I never have to
every word you say
every idea you speak to me
every ounce of silliness and fashion
it all means so much
no amount of money could buy what we have
I truly and deeply love you with all of my human heart
youre the person Im dancing with until the collapse
of eternities curtain
we're on such a peculiar roller coaster of our life
and I love you
I love you
I love you
I love you

you know who you are